Too Much Love in This Oregon Heart

Lately, I've noticed that I'm once again experiencing the normal ups and downs everyone has.  This might not sound earth-shattering and it's not, but considering I had lived the past year and a half well below the "normal" line, it's nice to feel something again.  I wasn't completely devoid of emotion or anything, but it was hard to get out of the weird "neutral" rut I was stuck in.

Today wasn't exactly stellar, but not all that bad.  I needed a laugh this morning and found one in the several YouTube videos I added to my favorites simply because they make me laugh.  Might seem a little weird, but you do what you do.  And that's what I do.  My YouTube history is mostly cats and baby birds.  Not even ashamed.  Oh, and Qoo advertisements.

I took a nap earlier and woke up with the cat climbing around on the bed and trying to look out the window (conveniently located right near my pillow).  As it turns out, she sees all these little squirrels and will press her forehead against the window and meow loudly when one comes close.  It's freaking adorable, but not when she's stepping on my head while I'm trying to sleep.  So, I got up and listened to music while I ate a sandwich and tried to write.  Mostly Conway Twitty and Old Crow Medicine Show.  I'm sure there's worse things to be done.

I brought my Tumblr back, too.  I needed a place to dump all of the amusing and weird pictures and videos I find, instead of flooding my Facebook wall with them.  It's called J's Little Closet.

Well, back to writing.

Bubbles in the Rain

Today started out the same as the many, many other days I've been in Portland.  It was cloudier than usual, at least I think.  Beautifully overcast skies and a light sprinkling of rain.  The wind blew especially hard when I walked to the store earlier.  It was the kind of wind that was all like, "Hey, I'm going to tear that umbrella straight from your feeble little hands and into the path of an oncoming Volkswagen."  That didn't happen, but I thought it might.

The only thing not normal about today was the small yet unmistakable spark of creativity and bubbliness I've experienced.  Something about the wind and the grayness, the warmth of my bedroom and the various thoughts swimming through my head just made everything feel...  Better.  Maybe this is what should be normal?  It's very familiar, but I haven't been there in a long time.  Something tells me I'm returning to my old self, the "happy self," and the very idea of that is thrilling all on its own.

Christmas was wonderful, too.  I got to spend time with my family here and I couldn't stop smiling.  We ate Chinese food and listened to Tom Waits for the longest time.  I don't want to be one of those weirdos that list each and every one of their gifts, but I did receive some very thoughtful ones.  I have an octopus coat rack, hair accessories, eggplant salt and pepper shakers, and an iPhone case with Gwynplaine from The Man Who Laughs on the back.  We were all happy campers.  I couldn't help but miss my family in Tennessee, but I spoke to them and they seemed like happy campers, too.

In other news, I've been experimenting with various film techniques.  And by that, I mean mostly stop-motion and artsy filters.  I've been putting together a small, weird film about nothing in particular.  Well, it might end up being about something, but for now it's kind of up in the air.  I'm still planning that photo safari around Portland.  I'll try to take more pictures the next time I go to Hawthorne.  There's always something interesting to see there.

Holiday Treats and Movies

Apparently, I'm completely inept when it comes to writing blog posts if I'm listening to music or doing much of anything else.  If my mind isn't stuck on writing and writing only, I make the most juvenile and random mistakes.  C'est la vie.

It's totally Christmas Eve (it's also totally obvious).  And for once, it actually feels like it!  Yay!  Tomorrow, my family here in Portland and I are going to cram ourselves around the TV and eat Chinese.  Should be a fun time. Most likely, I will channel my inner child and won't be able to sleep tonight.  On Facebook, someone made a page you can like called "No matter how old I get, I still can't sleep on Christmas Eve."  I liked it so hard it was crayzay.

Anyway, I had the same problem last year.  I ended up watching Hotel Rwanda, primarily because I had never seen the entire movie and I was searching for something to watch while I crafted.  I'm not trying to be funny about it, though.  It was a very powerful film and I'm glad I was able to watch it.  It made me think of how little I've always heard about those types of problems in Africa.  Very sad yet fascinating indeed.

I hate to segway into such a topic, but I'm so excited about making Oreo balls that it's downright unhealthy.  You take a pack of plain Oreos and grind them up in a blender with an eight ounce brick of cream cheese.  Mix it together really well and form them into little balls (about the size of your average chocolate truffle).  Then, dip them in melted white chocolate, sprinkle some of the remaining Oreo crumbs on top, and let them chill in the fridge for about an hour.  Bam.  Christmas just got better.

On another topic, I'm feeling a little accomplished right now.  A new blog post two days in a row.  :)  But no cookie for me.  Just an Oreo ball.

Let the Sunshine In

Christmas is just two days away, and honestly, I'm feeling pretty good.  It's cold here, but no snow.  It feels very appropriate for the season.  I've gotten some gifts in the mail and underneath my mature, adult exterior lies a skinny little seven-year-old in a Christmas teddy bear sweater who can barely resist the temptation to open them.  So far, the adult part has kept things under control.

Last December and January were especially hard for me.  While I was grateful the for time I spent with my family and friends, as well as the giving and receiving of everything from cookies to much-appreciated crazy scarves, I went through quite a bit of heartache.  My loved ones were supportive, but I hated feeling like a burden or that one whiny Scrooge sneering in the corner.  I went through the motions best I could, fooling nobody but still managing to somewhat get into the holiday spirit.

Right before Christmas that year, my mother and I were browsing an Amvets thrift store in Knoxville.  The speakers in the store were turned to a local radio station that was playing very festive music.  They played several holiday songs I liked and a few I had never heard.  One of these was Wintersong by Sarah McLachlin.  One part in particular stuck in my head:

It's late and morning's in no hurry,
But sleep won't set me free.
When silence gets to hard to handle,
And the night too long.


It's such a somber, warm yet devastatingly poignant song.  That's honestly what things felt like: a long, dark night of the soul, if you will.  Fast forward a year later and it's dawn now.  While the sun hasn't chased out every bit of the darkness, I am very thankful for the sunshine I do have in my life.  I love my current home and I love my family and my friends.  I love God and I love Christmas again.  That being said, Merry Christmas and I apologize for the generous use of metaphors.

Blogger's Block

For the past couple of days, I've wanted to make a new post, but I just give up after a sentence or two.  Thanksgiving came and went and it was good.  Dad, Jenise, and I watched a movie and had a long talk about religion.  The grocery store was open and we got some tasty stuff for dinner.  It was just the three of us and the cat.  So chill.

Now it's December and Christmas will be here soon.  This will be my very first Christmas in Portland and the season's already shaping up to be pretty good.  While I miss Tennessee and the people there, I can't complain.  This will also be the first Christmas in a very long time I've spent with Dad.  The last Christmas I spent with him was 2007, which seems like a lifetime ago when I think about it.  We went to the buffet at the Flamingo and he asked me to dare him to eat a piece of steak with a huge glob of horseradish on it.  I did, he did, and it was hilarious.

I'm sorry if I seem really scattered.  Things have been going well, but I keep thinking about how backwards and confusing things can be.  For example, I've wanted to get a haircut for a while now, but I decided to let my hair grow out.  I hate having long hair because it's hard to take care of.  But sometimes it feels like the world is only good to girls with long hair.  Silly idea, I know.  Plus, it's been years since I've had long hair.  I might like it.

Anyway, I've been crafting some here and there.  The eggplant teapot picture I'm making for my bedroom is almost done.  I'll post pictures when it's complete.  Speaking of pictures, I really have to take more and put them on here and on Facebook.  Dad lent me one of his awesome cameras and I really should be putting it to use.  Maybe a photo safari needs to happen?