Things have been interesting lately, to say the least. In fact, I'm not really sure where to start. I will say that I've been attempting to detach, depersonalize, decling, let my feelings and everything else just flow and run their course. Let me explain in a lovely, long-winded, detail-filled fashion.
While this might sound like I'm trying to become a psychopath, I can assure you my life hasn't been that exciting since my last update. The biggest thing going on right now is that my family and I are moving. We'll still be in Portland, in pretty much the same neighborhood. Nothing bad happened; the guy who owned the property decided he would like to renovate it and he's been nothing but kind about things. This of course occurred in the middle of a fantastic financial domino scenario, just one more brick in the ever-collapsing chain of events. To put a popular internet saying in more polite terms, excrement became tangible.
After the initial shock and rush to find a new place began to wear off, I realized it was becoming harder and harder to get enthused about much of anything. Things just always seemed to hurt. I began to hate hearing news about places my family found, and where things were located, and how close it was to work. Terrible as it sounded, I just didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to be reminded of how poor and desperate we were. I felt bad for thinking this and tried my best to approach it with the same puppy-dog enthusiasm. I just concentrated on work, but even that reminded me on a daily basis that while I try to help us all even when there's none left for me, it still won't amount to much.
As I said, I felt guilty for not being yippy-skippy. Truthfully, my family probably wasn't either. However, my dear dad has a wonderful talent of being positive no matter how dark or even downright apocalyptic the situation is. For that, I am so very thankful. Although I tried to maintain an air of optimism it was merely a front, which I felt bad for having, thus setting off the vicious cycle.
And now, my point: don't feel bad for having a particular feeling. Don't delay your hurt, anger, or sadness, but instead acknowledge it. Don't distract yourself from it with ice cream or funny movies. Detach but let your feelings run their course. A very wise and helpful friend once told me that the only control we have over our emotions is how we react to them. You can't put a bandage on a huge boil and expect it to be gone just by ignoring it. It has to be treated properly, and the skin must take its own sweet time to heal. Weird analogy. Again, bear with me.
It's late and I've been having back aches which have been interfering with my sleep. This does not a happy combination make. If this is making no sense, I apologize. I felt like writing for once and badly needed to update my blog. In happier news, we're getting major help with moving into the place we found. I'm not sure when the exact move-in day is, but it should be in the next week or so. And you bet your pantaloons there will be pictures.
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